Opulent Zebras

I had a strange dream last night that I am at great pains to explain. I dreamt that Jon was sermonising one morning, approaching the crux of his discussion:

'We know that zebras are a sign of opulence and immodest wealth in our society. Now, listen to me Saints: I see a lot of Christians to-day walking around with zebras. And that is something that we ought not to be doing!'

I don't know what it means (if anything) but I looked it up in my Dream to English Dictionary and it has something to do with being weighed in the balance and found wanting. Either way, I won't be making a trip to the Ft. Worth Zoo any time soon.

Speaking of the zoo, the other day I had a flashback to my childhood (during which injuries were the status quo). Did anyone else's parents or grandparents use iodine on their wounds--and call it Monkey Blood? It sounds very macabre but we thought nothing of it when I was young. I remember the time a donkey bit me at the zoo and I kept screaming at the top of my lungs, 'Are you gonna put monkey blood on it, Nonnie?!!' I can only imagine what the other visitors must have thought. (They probably were thinking they were getting their first glimpse at practitioners of Santaria.) I know one thing for certain, though--as much as it hurt, I would rather put Monkey Blood on a wound a thousand times than get one small squirt of Bactine. (MAN, that stuff burnt!)

Ron Paul received 216 votes for a commanding first-place finish in a straw poll today sponsored by the West Alabama Republican Assembly. Mitt Romney came in [a distant] second with 14 votes [that's a 202-vote difference!].

I cannot stress enough how much I HATE to shop. I reckon it is a necessary evil; still, there is no reason to make it more of an ordeal than necessary. Ashlee has often had me accompany her while shopping. However, after the letter she recently received from the manager at Target, I think she may be rethinking:

Dear Mrs Lee:

Over the past six months, your husband has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We can no longer tolerate this
behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against Mr Lee are listed below and are
documented by our video surveillance cameras (a copy of which can be provided at
your request.)

1. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official-sounding voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away!’

3. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

4. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

5. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

6. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can't you people just leave me alone?’

7. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

8. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

9. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

10. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

When you're really good, one name is all you need: Madonna. Cher. Prince. JOYCE!

'[T]he basic error of many non-Christian religions, systems of philosophy, and human plans for world betterment ... [is that they] all try to find a way to relieve the sufferings of humanity, without first providing a way of deliverance from sin, which is the cause of suffering. All human schemes of betterment which are not founded on redemption from sin through Christ are foredoomed to failure. Permanent relief cannot be obtained by treating symptoms only, while igonoring the cause of the trouble.' ~ Johannes G. Vos, The Westminster Larger Catechism: A Commentary

'The drunken [Yankee] devils roamed about, setting fire to every house the flames seemed likely to spare. They were fully equipped for the noble work they had on hand. Each soldier was furnished with combustibles compactly put up. They would enter houses and in the presence of helpless women and children, pour turpentine on the beds and set them on fire. Guards were rarely of any assistance--most generally they assisted in the pillaging and firing.' ~ When the World Ended, The Diary of Emma LeConte

‘If you can’t stop waste in 6 federal programs after 17 years, how exactly will you improve local schools or foreign nations?’

'If I ever get to Heaven
Which I hope I'm gonna do
And they ask me, "How did you know?"
I'll say, "I just knew."
Because I always believed in You.'
~ Arc Angels, Always Believed in You

I think I was playing one of Bach's more famous fugues in this picture. (Can you dig the red jeans?!)

'The gospels are free, but the means of delivering the gospels is really expensive.' ~ Huckster Extraordinaire Benny Hinn

'A bottle of champagne reputed to have come from Adolf Hitler's personal wine cellar fetched nearly £2,000 at auction today.'

ARE DINOSAURS MENTIONED IN ANCIENT LITERATURE?

'Interestingly, the word "dragon" is used a number of times in the Old Testament. In most instances, the word dinosaur could substitute for dragon and it would fit very nicely. Creation scientists believe that dinosaurs were called dragons before the word dinosaur was invented in the 1800s. We would not expect to find the word dinosaur in Bibles like the Authorised Version (1611), as it was translated well before the word dinosaur was ever used.'

Also, there are many very old history books in various libraries around the world that have detailed records of dragons and their encounters with people. Surprisingly (or not so surprisingly for creationists), many of these descriptions of dragons fit with how modern scientists would describe dinosaurs, even Tyrannosaurus. Unfortunately, this evidence is not considered valid by evolutionists. Why? Only because their belief is that man and dinosaurs did not live at the same time!' ~ Ken Ham, Donosaurs and the Bible?

Ashlee and her older brother, Joshua. (She's the one on the right.)