Instant Man. (Just Add Beer.)

'Choose some wise, understanding and respected men from each of your tribes, and I will set them over you.' ~ Deuteronomy 1:13

I wrote the following poem following a conversation I had with a co-worker after she remarked about my abnormally large Robert E. Lee coffee mug. I mentioned to her that family legend suggests that I am a descendant of the great general (from his brother's line I believe). Her reply, influenced no doubt by her Yankee roots in Michigan and dripping with blue-belly cynicism, came sharply: 'Everyone in the South says they are related to him.' Hence, my inspiration to compose the following missive. I should employ the following caveat: my intent was not to be snide nor prideful. I hope y'all enjoy it.

EVERYONE'S A LEE
by R. Matthew Lee


From the Texas Hill Country to the Virginia sea
Dwell scores of relations to Robert E. Lee
Singing high in proud tones, in insistent refrains
"'Tis the General's blood that runs through our veins!"
Through mother or father, most cannot recall
But certain, they are--he's the root of them all!
'Twas their aunt who first told them (or another relation)
Though few can produce the documentation
They revel and boast of the General's fame
And attach themselves fiercely to the Patriarch's name
Should any dare question Marse Robert's reputation
They bristle and spit with high indignation
"History can boast of few men of such worth!"
Speaks one of the millions of his kinsmen by birth
Another nearby replies, "It is true!
("The Old Grey Fox is my ancestor, too!")
One cannot--one should not--accuse or lay blame
To one for desiring to lay claim to the name
Good Sons of the South all seek but to shine
By boasting aloud that they come from his line
Yet if all who lay claim to his family tree
Indeed were aright, we'd all be a Lee!

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CROC ALERT!! Your shoes could be dangerous to your health!

In a related story--they now have Crocs for Docs!

‘True Christians," [Ron Paul] said, "believe that marriage is a church function. It's not a state function. I don't think you need a license to get married.’

I couldn’t agree more. That’s why Ashlee and I did not apply for nor obtain a marriage license.

A WEENIE ROAST AT THE DABNEY FAMILY REUNION.

Check out this HILARIOUS video of an interviewer who can't stop laughing at a man’s (unexpectedly) high pitched voice. (It's in a foreign language but still very funny!)

‘The message is, "Don’t Serve Alcohol to Teens. It’s unsafe. It’s illegal. It’s irresponsible." We Don't Serve Teens is a national campaign on the part of the Federal Trade Commission.

'So 18-year-olds and 19-year-olds (and even 20-year-olds) are teens, correct? According to this government campaign they are. But what about this government campaign known as Selective Service? According to the Imperial Branch of government, teens are "men." Under the "Who must register?" guidelines, everywhere it mentions those who must register, they are referred to as "men." Disabled men. Hospitalized men. Men who would be classified as Conscientious Objectors. Men, men, men, men, men. Men from 18 to 25 years of age. An 18-year-old is a teen if he drinks a beer, and he is a man if he puts on the conqueror's camouflage and learns to kill for the state.
And it's apparently not irresponsible or unsafe to yank these same teens men from their homes against their will (draft anyone?) and send them off to foreign lands to conquer, be conquered, and kill the enemies of the United Imperial States.
It's irresponsible to give those same men teens a Budweiser, however.'

‘Changing the definition of what chocolate is would be a mistake.’

'I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.' ~ David Dinkins, Former New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

If men made clothing.